I have so many different things that I think about during the day its not funny. Some times, my thoughts wake me up...they get so loud that its hard for me to turn them down, or to even tune them out. Once I get a thought going, at times its hard for me to stop this thought.
I'm 32 years old, and have been married for 7 years to a really wonderful man, who is 38. Time is not waiting for us. I had always imagined that I would be a mother by now. Unfortunately thanks to some curse, or jinx, or just whatever I'm not a mother. I do not have that child of my own, and it does not look like I'm going to be able to be a biological mother to any child. That thought hurts me more than anybody could ever imagine. Some times, I sit down, and I cry. I cant help but wonder why with all of the physical things my body has been through, things that are not productive or wonderful, or nice, why couldn't I have that one miracle. But as I am getting older, and yes I know, 32 is not that old. But physically my body is closer to 45 than 32 when it comes to the way things work from the waist down.
I have recently found out that diabetics can now adopt children. This thought makes me happier than anything. They could always adopt privately, for a very large sum of money, which is way more than what we make in a year. But I guess due to the fact that there are so many children out that that need forever parents, they have opened it up. I have to admit though, its sad, because they allow single people, and gay people (nothing wrong with gay people, I have no problems with any of them) but they wouldn't let diabetics. Part of the problem was "something could happen, and it would leave the child with one parent" OK, whats so different about that than letting a single parent adopt, when that single parent could walk out that door and get struck by a falling asteroid and die.
I do plan on researching my options, and maybe talking to a couple of social workers, and finding out what my options are, and how to go about the process. I don't plan on starting this process this year however, because I know that I need to start a savings account to save the money we would need for the fee's and such.
Other things that are constantly going through my head are, working on getting my crochet patterns published, cooking, cleaning, the dogs, the laundry, my mother, and is she going to make it through my brother living at home. And of course now that the regional jail is going through, what does this mean for my husbands job future. So very very many things. I think the most important thing right now is, my friend Lindsey. I worry about her very much. I worry about am I being a good enough friend, could I do more, and I really want to go and beat up all of those people who are saying mean things to her and expecting things that they shouldn't. I don't think those people have been what she has been through. I also don't think they have a filter that goes from what little bit of brains they have to their mouth. And of course the Zombie Apocalypse...am I ready...??????
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